When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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