The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize