I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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