I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize