I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
