She went from zero to smokin in five shots
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
