I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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