How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
