Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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