the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
