just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
