How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
