Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
