its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
