Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
