p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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