summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
