It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
