porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
