She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
