ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can you bring me the toilet please
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
