Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
