i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
