I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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