i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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