i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
