I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
