I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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