is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
