just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
