I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
