You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
