Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
