Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
