her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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