Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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