I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
