i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
we're so committed to being not committed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
