Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
