I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
