we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
