Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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