You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
