We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
