rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
