dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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