We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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