she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
