I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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