You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
