Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
