I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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