"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
how drunk are you?
Several
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
