Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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