I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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