Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
420 ftw
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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