She said her name was "party"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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