omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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