its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
