I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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