Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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