My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
