that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
